Landscape of Ascalon Epilogue (Naomi)

From Toosigma

Title	Landscape of Ascalon - Epilogue
Author	Philip Mann - Naomi
Campaign	Convergent Threads
Session	Intersession
Posted
Game Date

When I emerged from the painting, Thea had already gone with many of the survivors. I imagine she was overjoyed to be back in Sharn, but I wanted at least to know if she would see me again, to gain some reassurance that what she said about her feelings was true. Or, maybe I really wanted to know that it wasn’t. I just wasn’t sure what I wanted. For now, however, I will simply enjoy that I am home and rejoice that I know Kayli is waiting for me. She had come looking for me at the University, so I know that she was worried that she couldn’t sense me.

The dam that kept my emotions in check during the fight to escape the painting burst as soon as I stepped out of the University. I did not go directly home, I couldn’t. Instead, I went to the bench that Kayli and I shared every morning. Any other day, it would be our bench, Kayli’s and mine, but I was alone and I needed to feel that loneliness to focus. I thought; and I dreamed; and I wished; and I decided. I decided to tell Kayli everything…everything I know or feel about her…and Thea; let her decide to love me or leave me. All I can do is be honest and live with the consequences of my heart, but I cannot deceive her. I may lose her this day, but I will do so with a clean conscience. I could no more disguise what I feel than I could lie, so I must find a way to reassure her that I still love her and that I continue to love her more every day. She must understand that I have never and will never cheat on her, and that she means the world to me.

I went home after a couple of hours, with a mind full of conviction and a heart full of worry.

Kayli ran to me when I came through the door and embraced me as she always has, full of enthusiasm and joy at seeing me again. At mama’s prompting, we went downstairs and started getting the grime of my travels off of me and my clothing which was now in horrible disrepair. She asked about the connection and why she couldn’t reach me, and I explained in a way I thought she would understand. She is a very smart girl, but she just doesn’t know a lot about magic; in time, perhaps, I will be able to teach her more…

We talked and laughed, we kissed and made love into the afternoon, and I wanted to tell her everything that I felt for her and Thea, but I couldn’t. I hoped she would ask and provide me an opening, but she didn’t and when I found that she was performing that evening I decided not to tell her right away. She sings from her heart and all that hear her know that she feels the music, and I know that confessing could cause problems. I did not want her to be distracted or upset during the show, thus interfering with her career.

I joined her at her performance, watching the whole show from the wings and staying out of the way. I never imagined that the area backstage could be so busy, but all of the players almost ran from place to place in order to get ready for the next scene. I mused for a moment that I would one day dance on stage in the background while Kayli’s voice enraptured the audience as it did this night. If she asked, I would do that for her though I am not sure I ever truly want to be on the stage; I would do it to be with her and for no other reason.

When the show was over we meandered to a few night spots and danced. We danced alone and in the crowd, but we always danced together. Late in the evening Kayli was getting exhausted and had to sit down, but she asked me to keep dancing. “Dance for me, Naomi,” she said, “show me what you’ve got…”

Back onto the floor, I began to move and soon those who tried to keep up with me stopped and the floor cleared. I danced for her, for us, and I danced with all of my heart. The band picked up the music, a song I felt as much as I heard, with percussive notes that set the crowd clapping to the accelerating rhythm. I reached inside of myself and found the reserve of energy that moves me through the most dangerous adversaries, but this time it was all for Kayli. My dance and the band ended the song together and the crowd erupted in cheers. Kayli stood clapping and rushed to me, pushing through the throng of people to throw her arms around me. I was exhausted, but I felt my heart soaring when she told me that I was amazing.

“I’ve imagined that you could really dance,” Kayli gushed, “but to actually see you…is…wow.”

I smiled at her and told her, “You inspire me, love.”

We did not stay out to close the district down. Instead, we danced another dance and made our way back home. We didn’t speak; we didn’t have to. I imagined for a good part of our journey that I did not have to tell her something that might complicate our otherwise pure and uncluttered love. I imagined that I had not met Thea again or that I had but the feelings for her were no longer there, but it felt like a lie though I did not speak it.

Once back home and in bed together we cuddled, and I began to tell her what I knew that I must…

“When I awoke,” I began, “I remember that I couldn’t see anything…I didn’t know where I was…even when I heard someone say, ‘Sharn’…I think my name is Naomi, because it is the only name I knew…when I could see, like an animal, I wanted to run away, to go somewhere safe…but I couldn’t move at all…”

Through our magical connection, I could feel that Kayli was intrigued and she seemed eager to hear more, so I continued.

“It was hours before I saw anyone at all…but then I saw…her…”

Kayli was curious, but just thinking about Thea again brought my feelings for her and I knew that Kayli had to feel them to understand. I brushed her hair off of her ear cuff and I begged her, “Please…it’s…hard to explain in words alone, love…Kayli…from the first moment I saw her, my whole being burned for her…but, when she walked away…the feelings went away…and then I was alone…again…I was naked and alone no matter who came or went…except her…”

Kayli was becoming confused as so many feelings rushed through our link.

“When everyone had left, she locked the door and remained inside…and then she talked to me as if I was alive…as if she had known me for some time…she told me everything that had happened…since she found me…I could not understand everything because she took in a great amount of wine while she spoke…but she remembered a glass for me though it remained empty…it was then that I was free…I could move…but my movement scared her…and she injured herself badly trying to scramble away…my mind wanted only to help her, so I moved toward her…but the animal within me was still in control…it wanted to stop her screams…to protect its own life by…ending…hers…”

Kayli was getting scared though I could not tell if she was scared of me or scared for me.

“Kayli…I did not kill her…I was able to wrest control of my own hand, but only because of the feelings she stirred in me…then I ran…I ran into the night, away from the University…and away from my memories of her…”

I could feel the confusion, fear, loathing, and a thousand other feelings wrapping themselves through Kayli’s heart.

“Love? Kayli? I know this is confusing, but I must tell you…I must tell you everything…” She nodded for me to continue. She was being so strong and so brave through this.

“I thought that, as long as I stayed out of the University…and it seemed to hold true…Maybe in time I would have forgotten even the burning she brought to me…I almost didn’t take this last job…because I had to go there…but I could not leave people in need…I had to try to help them…” I paused to let Kayli take in my inner conflict about the University and how difficult it was even for me to step through its doors once again. “But…she was there…through the portal…oh, Kayli…how I hoped I would never have to face those feelings…but her presence ignited them anew, all over…”

She pulled away, and even in the dim light I could see the tears forming in her eyes.

“Kayli, my love…she remembered me…she said she had dreamed that I would be real…Kayli…I resisted…because I love you…she wanted to bed me…but I would not let her…because I love you…”

“But…” Kayli’s voice croaked, “You love her?”

“I…yes…I know you can feel that in me…I cannot lie to you…you know that…I could not be with you if I was not honest…”

Kayli’s tears flowed freely. “But…so…um…” Even as she began to speak again, she pulled away from me and wrapped the blankets about her as she continued to cry.

“I love you…I love you completely…and I love you more every passing moment…I have hurt you by telling you the truth, and I am sorry for it…” I tried to explain, “But I would hurt you more if I lied…”

“I…I know…” she squeaked through her tears, “But…can I have some time to think about this a while? It’s a lot to digest…”

“All of the time you wish, my love.” I tried to let the tone of my words comfort her, “I will honor anything you decide, but know that, when I think of me and you, I think of forever. I love you and I always shall…even if I have hurt you too much to love me anymore.”

Kayli nodded, her tears still flowing but not as uncontrolled as I sat up and slid to the edge of our bed. “Do you wish me gone, my love?”

“No,” she replied, “but I think I’d rather sleep in my bed…at least for tonight…”

“Anything you want, love…anything at all.” I slid out of bed and onto the floor and got dressed in my night clothes.

“I’m sorry…” Kayli began as if to add more but stopped.

“You have no need to be, love, not at all…seems the things that ‘don’t really matter’ sometimes do.” I sat on the floor opposite the foot of the bed I shared with her for several long moments before I spoke again. “I could probably say that I’m sorry for involving you in my twisted existence…but I have cherished every moment that I have known you…even now.”

“I’m just confused…you, and me…and this other girl…I just don’t know what I’m supposed to think…”

Not sure that Kayli really wanted to hear more, I offered to tell her what Thea had said about sharing. I was somewhat relieved that she didn’t want to hear any more.

“No…not yet…maybe later…but right now I just have to figure out what it is I’m feeling…”

“I understand…I promise to wait as long as you need, love,” I vowed. “I will not give up on my love for you…not now…not in a thousand years.”

“I know it…and I love you too…I think…” she said, “but there's just too much…different…for me to know what's going on right now…” Then she turned away, wrapping herself and her quilt into a little sobbing ball.

I sat on the floor and listened; listened to my heart tell me that I did what I had to, to be honest with my love. I felt her heartbreaking under the weight of my confession. In time, she fell asleep and I prepared to leave to go watch the sunrise. For the second time in as many days I was without my love, alone on our bench.

On my return home I tried to fashion a smile, to grasp a measure of cheer from the warmth of the sun. I left without disturbing the household and, when I returned, Cald was surprised to see that I was alone. He was very polite as he did not say anything, but I needed to talk.

“You know, don’t you?” I directed to him.

He nodded and acknowledged that he knew a little but could guess the truth behind it. I told him that I was afraid of losing her and that I felt so out of control. He reminded me that everything is in Fate’s hands, and that all of the uncertainty that I felt would be worth it; that Kayli was worth it all. I acknowledged that he was right and that I was grateful that he listened to my whining. I cannot imagine a brother more caring.

Two long days went by as I waited. I found things to keep myself busy around the clock, to occupy my mind as much as my time. I gave Kayli as much space as possible given that we live under the same roof and have the same job. I stayed out of our shared room as much as I could manage, and worked through the hours that I would normally have spent with my love. It hurt, but she asked for some time so I would give it to her.

The second evening after I told her of the only piece of my life I kept from her, Kayli came up the stairs while I cleaned the balcony. She stood at the top of the stairs and stood in silence for several long moments. I considered during that time whether she wanted me to notice her or not because she had come up so quietly. She softly cleared her throat, which I took as a solicitation for me to break the silence.

“Good evening, love,” I said as I turned slightly to look at her while I worked. “I miss you.”

She looked away quickly when my eyes met hers, but she did not leave. I hoped that she would reply in kind, that she missed me as well, but that was not to come.

“What is her name?” Kayli asked without looking at me. “What is she like?”

I was encouraged by this, but I didn’t want to carry the conversation across the balcony, so I beckoned her to meet me at a table in between us. She complied, but would not sit down as I did. Instead, she stood behind the chair next to me and waited for my answer without meeting my eyes. She towered over me when I stood with her and seated as I was, I felt very tiny.

I kept with my purpose of telling her everything, so I would not keep anything back. “Her name is Thea,” I began, “Thea ir’Tain.”

Kayli’s expression betrayed her shock at learning the prestigious and wealthy lineage of the mysterious “other woman”. As wealth means very little to me, I did not consider the impact it might have on my love. I hoped that she knew me enough to know that Thea’s access to money and power had no sway upon me.

I then described her in substantial detail, trying to be as objective as possible, but knowing that I could not divorce my emotions from my description. I described her deep brown eyes and her firmly muscled physique.

“She is much like you, love,” I told Kayli. “She is beautiful and intelligent, but I don’t know that she has your gift of song. She seems jaded, lacking much of your innocent charm. I suppose she is so because of the stress of her power-grabbing family. She didn’t believe how wonderful all of you are; I don’t think that she has ever known what ‘family’ really is.”

I watched Kayli for a moment while she digested what I had said. I could tell that she was trying to be impassive, and the façade may have worked for someone who had not spent so many hours studying her face. No, even without using our magical connection, I could tell that all I had said was being weighed syllable-by-syllable for any measure of preference for one of them or the other. I knew my own feelings; I only hoped that I could convey them to Kayli through my words.

“What do you like about her?” she asked.

Careful to not sound challenging, I rephrased her question, “Do you mean ‘What do I like more about her?’”

Kayli nodded her head slightly.

“There is nothing about her that I like more in her than I do in you, love.”

“How can that be?” she asked. “Your feelings for her are so strong.”

I looked at the floor for a moment while I gathered my thoughts. I could see that Kayli was threatened by Thea, and I was trying to comfort her without leading her. Slowly, I looked back at her and asked her to look into my eyes before I continued my explanation. She hesitated, but her resolve to understand brought her eyes to mine.

“Kayli, I do not know why I feel anything for Thea, but I do. Love, I felt these feelings for her before I ever knew her or talked to her. I have tried to turn those feelings off, Fate knows I have tried with all of my might and I have failed.” I paused to allow her to take it in. “I have no choice of how I feel about Thea, I only hope to understand the source of those feelings in the fullness of time.”

Kayli turned without a word and went back down stairs. I felt no better having talked to her again than I did when she asked me from our bed. I looked up, however, and saw Cald smiling back at me from his perch above the door. I smiled and stood, returning to my duties as if I had not been interrupted. That evening I would polish the floors while everyone else slept, avoiding our bedroom until I returned in the morning.

I will never forget the morning that I came home to find a letter from my love waiting for me, placed on my pillow where she knew I would find it:

Dearest Naomi,

I cannot seem to teach my heart not to love you, for my feelings grow in spite of my sincerest wishes. I cannot say that I fully understand your relationship with Thea, and the depth and fire of your feelings for her frightens me a little, and I worry sometimes that you may one day grow tired of your little friend and seek the comfort of your true love.

That said, I do love you, and I know that you love me in return. I would rather take the risk of a broken heart on the chance that I might find true happiness. I think, now, that I understand your desire to risk everything on the promise of "adventure", because not to risk would make life a dull and drab existence indeed.

Yours, always and forever,

Kayli

My heart soared, so much so that I couldn’t suppress a squeal of joy as I turned to speed from the room to find my love. I ran into her, knocking the wind from her as I turned through the doorway. I caught her in my arms and held her close as I muttered, “Thank you, thank you, thank you…”

Kayli chuckled, “I love you too.”

I opened my mouth to say something simple, but she got a torrent of my thoughts and feelings instead. “Since I have been aware I have stood before vampires and other terrible undead, I have traveled the roads and seas, and I have traveled to an unknown plane where swarms of creatures could have taken me at any moment. All of these things and more I have done without fear, but I tremble when I think of losing you; I have never feared so much as these uncertain hours.

“I feel in so many ways that the journey of my life is just beginning, and I would have no other at my side if not you. There is so much that I have yet to discover about myself and where I came from, and I hope that I will learn why I feel for Thea as I do. Much of my life has been a mystery even to me, but I do know that I choose to give my heart to you and, if I had just one last request, I would spend the rest of my days in your arms.

“You are my best friend, my only sister, and the one I choose over all others. I wish nothing but your happiness even at the expense of my own, and I will cherish you no matter what Fate has in store for us. I thank you for giving me the opportunity to continue the life that I would not have otherwise known if not for your love.”

“Naomi,” Kayli began, “I trust you with my heart as you trust me with yours. I was drawn to you from the first moment we spoke though I didn’t realize it at the time.” Then she leaned into me and kissed me gently before continuing. “There is something undeniable between you and her, but I am making a leap that you will not abandon me to pursue your ties with her.”

“Oh, love, I will never leave you.” I gushed.

Kayli smiled at me for the first time since that night and said, “Nor I, you.” Then she took my hand and stepped to leave. “Let’s go for a walk. I think I’d like to shop for a flower…”